So Beautiful
by PhoenixWormwood137
Summary: When the Doctor looked into the Untempered Schism at the age of eight, did he really run away? What if that was the opposite of what he did? • Oneshot. NO SLASH. "T" for some violence and injury, including a bit of self-harm. So, yeah, angsty. Sorry.


**_"S_****_ome would be inspired, some would run away ... and some would go mad." _****"_What about you?" _****"_Oh, the ones that ran away! I never stopped."_**

_**"Rule One: The Doctor lies."**_

****I never thought the Doctor would resist coming back to that infinite vortex. "What about you?" seemed like a bit of a personal question... maybe a quick little lie seemed the best way to answer it. Maybe, in actuality, he came back to the Schism. Maybe he was so enthralled that his interest was considered dangerous, abnormal. Perhaps the Time Lords figured that he was one of the children who went mad (and maybe they were right).****

**...Wrote this a while ago as part of another fanfiction I was working on, and wanted to put it up, since I'm almost certainly cutting it from that other project. It ends kinda abruptly, sorry about that. Anyway, thanks so much! Happy reading! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>Thwack.<em>

Gosh it hurt.

_Thwack._

Gosh it hurt so badly.

_Thwack._

Don't scream.

_Thwack._

Judoon schoolteachers, beating their young.

_Thwack._

Abandoned Adipose babies, incinerated if stunted or flawed.

_Thwack._

People of the planet Bliss, crushing the children who did wrong.

_Thwack._

Human schoolteachers, slapping the palms of their students with rulers and whips…

_Thwack._

Humans, groaning under burdens set by higher authorities…

_Thwack._

Humans, slaves.

_Thwack._

He could see them all.

_Thwack._

_Done._

"Have you learned, Theta?"

He stayed silent.

"Will you go back to the Vortex tonight?"

Again, he stayed silent. Mouth shut. _I'm not here. I'm not here. Ignore my hands. Ignore my back. Ignore my face._

* * *

><p>Theta was standing in a marble hall, the ceiling curving hundreds of feet over his small, bent head. He was thinking of the Vortex, and it was helping him as the Master - the <em>Schoolmaster<em> - circled him with an iron rod. When he focused, Theta dreamed he could see it again, swirling and churning and showing him the galaxies beyond Gallifrey, showing him the details of other worlds, pouring into his head like a fire. Was he _ever_ going back tonight. Who could stop him?

And he thought, and he thought, as the stick of metal landed another and another and another blow upon his body.

The Schoolmaster dove down upon him like a bird of prey, his long fingers with their long nails and their spiky tattooed runes digging into Theta's hair, his dry, permanently bloodstained palms pressing the bruises on Theta's cheeks. And then Theta's mind wasn't safe anymore, it was being invaded, and he pushed the thought of the Vortex back. But the Schoolmaster caught it and threw it out of his head.

Theta staggered, then regained his balance, knowing something had been erased from his memory but not sure what.

"Go to your dormitory," the Schoolmaster ordered, and Theta complied. Though the Vortex was gone from his mind, it was buried too deeply to be forgotten completely, and subconscious afterimages flitted behind his eyes. He knew he would remember whatever had been extracted from his brain when he slept, so he was was eager to obey the Schoolmaster. However, his beaten little body was slow to move.

As soon as he reached his destination, he lay down, careful not to disturb any of his bruises, and, without bothering to change, fell asleep.

He dreamed of that infinite swirling beautiful Vortex, lingered in the dream, and then woke.

It was night, after curfew, but he was as alone as ever. Solitary confinement had its benefits, for there was no one to wake, no one to be disturbed by the noise as he slid out of his fancy embroidered school robes and into plainer, freer ones.

The dream had given him a little strength. Enough to ignore the pain. Even so, he was clumsy and he knew the energy would wear off, and so he didn't allow himself much time to study the hundred foot drop below his window, hold his breath, squeeze his eyes shut…

He jumped.

Hit the ground and felt that breath squeezed out of him. And as he lay there, he started regenerating - molten gold replacing the blood in his veins and clouding around him. He clamped his jaw shut to stop the screaming that came with the pain - the pain of the regeneration cycle and the pain of the massive bruises that had been struck by the fall and the pain of the wounds that had been re-opened. He staggered to his feet and ran. An eight-year-old, driven by agony and a horrible wonderful terrifying thirst to see that Vortex, that Untempered Schism, again.

Someone else was there, someone else was kneeling in front of the gap in reality that was his destination. He could see, through the light clouding his eyes, the light he could feel healing his wounds, that it was another student like him. But not much else could register in his throbbing mind. He fell beside the other child, and looked into the Vortex.

The regeneration stopped, and he relaxed, stretched out on the hard ground, eyes wide and unblinking as he drank in the sight of infinity.

"You can't keep doing that, stupid," said the other child, slurring his "s"s into "th"s.

Theta rolled onto his back and smiled up at the stars, laughing quietly and slightly hysterically. "Says who?" he choked out, hands groping in the dirt and grass beside him.

"The Schism won't always make you better."

"Yeah it will." He sat up, covered in dust, and slumped forward so his face was dangerously close to the Vortex. "It's so _beautiful_."

"That's a silly word for it."

"Yeah," Theta agreed, turning slightly to face the other child, who he saw was a boy, his own age. "You're right. A really silly word… so. You come here too, I guess? Why haven't you been punished?"

"I just came tonight, but boy am I doing it again. And I won't be dumb enough to let the Schoolmaster know, like you."

"He knows everything," Theta said, then added - "Well, everything except my name."

"What, he hasn't got it by now?" The other boy looked impressed for the first time, leaning towards Theta, blue eyes huge. "Gosh, that's great. He only got mine last week, though. I thought I was setting a record. You beat me! You're annoying. You know what - I hate you. Do you want to be friends?"

"Yeah," Theta said. "I like that."

"Do you know what my name is already?" the boy asked, a hint of shame in his voice.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Theta said.

"You goodie-two-shoes," the boy snapped. "You don't have to be nice. We can't be friends if you don't know what to call me. My name is Koschei, but it doesn't matter because they stole it already."

"Sorry."

"One day we'll get to pick again, though," Koschei said. "When we graduate. Our titles."

"I know," Theta said.

They sat and looked into the Vortex, and then Koschei rubbed his head and groaned in pain.

"Are you okay?" Theta said, not taking his eyes off the Schism.

"I think I can hear something."

"What?"

"None of your business. So, what do they call you?"

"Theta."

"I bet your real name is more impressive than that," Koschei said dejectedly.

"Oh, yeah," Theta laughed. "Lots."

"I'm going back to school." Koschei rose.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I thought I'd stop hearing weird things if I saw the Schism again. But I didn't."

"Don't you just want to look at it forever, though? Isn't it beautiful?"

"I told you - that's a dumb word for it. It's scary."


End file.
